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From Russell Banks’s Lost Memory of Skin.
This is quite a brave piece of writing about a young (early twenties) sex offender and how he is taken in by a sociology professor. Banks, a writer to whom a crop of us owe our respect when it comes to writing and being from the area, is someone I can’t help but hear my own voice whenever I read him. Sarah and I went to see him read at the Paul Smith’s VIC and after taking the book out of the library, I commented to her that it had been a while since I read something of his, but after getting a few pages in I can’t help but feel like I’m reading my own voice in this text.
“I see a lot of my tics reading this,” I mentioned to her over text message.
“That’s a sign of a great writer,” she replied, referring to Banks. “When the voice they’re using comes off as your own.”
That’s not what I meant. What I meant was that from a stylistic standpoint, I feel like I’m probably very close to him and no that doesn’t make me sound too big-headed and still unpublished. Lord, my ego. Jesus.
Since it had been so long since I read either Banks or Chabon, I noticed that Chabon started a Tumblr a year ago, while reading it I took both of them in considering for a second how much of an influence these two are. They are my favorite living writers and I can’t help but try to figure out who I am more like from a style standpoint. I suppose I’m slightly more like Banks, but I would like the finesse—I guess (hey!)—of Chabon. So I tell myself I’m like neither. I’m myself, which when I get into these circular conversations with myself late at night in bed I tend to get upset at myself for even thinking this way. There is a self-assurance to a writing style, I think, a voice that is specific to a writer that I am constantly questioning. Do I even have a voice that is unique? A style besides sloppy and honest and more than a little nerdy?
I suppose this is my biggest problem: confidence. I’ve never really had any. I’m not sure if anything about me from a prose point of view is particularly original or fresh. Just standard, perhaps below average. Serviceable. Gah. Sad face. I need to lose this attitude. Sorry to be a downer.
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