I had to be forced into a place where I simply did not give a fuck in order to find out what I was really capable of… What elevates someone’s work from “technically excellent” to “truly great” is the extent to which you feel like you’re seeing them live their truth, be fully themselves… Jason Scott, the historian and digital archivist, told me at Webstock that a fitting epitaph for his headstone would be: “He gave a crap. He didn’t give a fuck.
This has been my mantra for the last couple months. I’ve finally settled into a professional atmosphere that engages my creative passions while also being totally okay with the reality that perhaps nothing I write for myself, like The Worst Writer Ever or any of my other writing projects, might see the end goal I would like. That’s not the reason I do them, because for me this kind of writing has been something I’ve engaged in on a daily basis since I was thirteen.
Recently, I was going through my old notebooks from NYC, college, high school, and some of the old typewriter manuscripts from before we had a computer. (I KNOW! I didn’t have one until half way through eighth grade). I’m trying to organize all of my papers in a similar manner to Gay Talese’s system and what I realized was how comics helped shaped me as a writer, and how long I’ve been engaging in writing. Since I was twelve! Twenty years I’ve been handwriting and journaling like this. Perhaps I was a creative life blogger from before the Internet. Maybe this is as far as I’ll get as a writer.
Then I came upon this quote written in one of my high school journals, I cringe at its teenage cliched pensiveness, but: “The second you stop caring about something is when it works out.” And it’s true. I think when you stop giving a fuck about the end game of something and just keep working on the details, and working on it eventually that thing will work out. It may be twenty years from now or next year. I do not give a fuck. It’s not why I do it.